-

                                     Love is like             Like letting          It's like                                Love is like
                                        seeing the earth       your skirt fly        daydreaming, smiling          not knowing anything
                                            from above             while dancing      without knowing why          but loving it

School

It would be nice if summer would come early this year. Or at least, that spring comes the fuck here already! In full ornate if possible.

This is my first week back to school again. And looking back on how I was crying and panicking on monday (thank you Tom for being fabulous), it's going well! I only had one class on monday and tuesday, and today only 2, but still. Though it's mostly my songwriting lessons that make me feel like shit.. luckily monday it's Pinksteren, so no school, and no songwriting lesson.

Let's finish this stupid schoolyear and hopefully figure out what to do in the summer holiday.

Well, goodmorning netherlands is on the telly now, time for my daily exercise!

Love,
Fleur

ps. just kidding. I'm just going to take a shower. Enough exercise if you ask me. ;-)

Books

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOKS


I'm hoping to do a free minor for school next year, with which I will focus on improving my English with, for one thing, reading a lot of books!

Ah, sweet, black on white, other-wordly books. AWESOME. So this got me excited and made me google "books you must read" which resulted in "100 books you must read before you die" which I thought was a little bit dramatic, but hey, okay.

For now I have the following:

David Mitchell - Cloud Atlas

Charlotte Bronte - Jane Eyre

Franz Kafka - The Metamorphosis

Sarah Hall - The Electric Michaelangelo

Italo Calvino - If on a winter's night a traveler 

Chuck Palahniuk - Haunted 

Raymond Carver - What we talk about when we talk about love

Aldous Huxley - Brave New World

Richard Matheson - I am Legend

Vladimir Nabokov - Lolita

Albert Camus - The Stranger

Anthony Burgess - A Clockwork Orange

William Golding - The Lord of the Flies

Hunter S. Thompson - Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas

Joseph Heller - Catch 22

Mark Z. Danielewski - House of Leaves

F. Scott Fizgerald - The Great Gatsby 

Joseph Conrad - Heart of Darkness

Kurt Vonnegut - Slaughterhouse 5, Breakfast of Champions

Ken Kesey - One Flew over the Cuckoos Nest

Margaret Atwood - MaddAdam

Haruki Murakami - 19Q4

J.D. Salinger - The Catcher in the Rye, Franny and Zoeey 

George Orwell - Animal Farm

Oscar Wilde - The Picture of Dorian Gray

John Steinbeck -The Grapes of Wrath, East of Eden

Sylvia Plath - The Bell Jar

Truman Capote - Breakfast at Tiffany's 

Kazuo Ishigoru - Never let me go, The remains of the day

Gabriel García Marquez - Love in the time of Cholera 

Virginia Woolf - Mrs. Dalloway, To the Lighthouse

Bret Easton Ellis - American Psycho

There are a few in the list I already read (Great Gatsby, Catcher i/t rye) and I few I once started on but never finished (animal farm, catch 22, house of leaves)

The reading hopefully will also work inspiring, and feed me with poetic words to STEAAAALLLLL. Well, maybe not steal, but maybe do steal though. Mysterious right?

Anyway, if there are any books not in the list that I most definitely should read, please recommend away.

I saw Cloud Atlas yesterday, jesus christ what a puzzle, it was a bit long, a bunch confusing and kind of too fast but also really cool. I'm definitely going to read the book and hopefully I'll understand it better after. 

Love,

Fleur

Thoughts

I have a lot of thoughts but not much to say

Tonight Tineke and I will play in Atak, for our bandcase evening. It wil be our last concert (for a while). I hope we'll both be able to relax and have fun. Instead of doubting ourselves, our skills and the opinions of other people.

I just found out Grimes (click for video). She is kind of like a female James Blake I guess. With the singer-songwriter/electronics and all. But she's alone (I don't know, maybe James Blake also performs alone? I thought not). 

I don't know yet if I like her or not, it's not easy listening or something. Weirdish electronic music. But somehow I like her only for being alone on that stage. Like we're homeboys you know. 

wellllll........ ok.

Almost holidays. Almost back to school again. Almost my recital (it's what they call your exam in the 3th year. It's public). Almost exams. Almost holidays again then also I guess.

Love,

Fleur

Long time

no blog.

My life, at the moment, is quite like a storm that hasn't made up it's mind on storming or not. Are we going to kick up dust and move everything around? Or just keep calm for a while, almost like a welcome summer breeze? 

Every day and moment is kind of like that. Like a storm not knowing what to do with itself.

A while back, almost a month now I guess, I decided to quit school for 2 months. Taking some time of and filling that time with doing fun stuff, things that make me happy. And with physiotherapy (which turned out more like: drop down and gimme 20!! only then not that brute) (and I'm not wearing army suits), and with a therapist (which isn't really going that smoothly since there is a waiting period of 3 to 4 weeks). 

I'm actually quite amazed how I managed to not write blog while already doing 'nothing' for such a time. Ah well.

Also, last/this week, me and Tineke of Tree Like Fun decided to take a break. It just wasn't working for me, the same as school, only making me more stressed, more sad, more angry.. feeling my heart starting to race while typing even.. but making this decision, though a tough one (probably most for Tineke, who is still as fire spirited as ever), already makes me feel better. More at ease. More calm.

Thinking about starting school again the 13th of may can make that feeling of rest disappear in less than a second, but my thing will just be to not think of that then. If your leg hurts when you touch it, you shouldn't touch it, most dads would probably say.

Effie is snoring in her little hammock, making cute sounds now and then. This morning she jumped up on the couch where I was just finishing my coffe, and the carefully put her paws on my lap. Staring me in the eyes making sure it was okay.

Sweet.

For times like these, when you don't have anybody to predict the weather for you, and when you're alone in the storms and breezes, maybe it's best to think of all the things you do know.

- I can't live in a house for a long time without having any animals. Since I got a hamster on my (wild guess) 7th birthday, I've never not had a little creature to look after for more than 6 months. I just need that. Which makes me come to the thing I know for sure: later, I will have pets.

- I have long legs, this seems to be a benefit when walking and fitting into trousers or even getting compliments of other girls.

- I have lots of inspiring, loving and love-able people around me. Though, of course, you never know how long these people will be there, I think I can say for sure I will never be completely without. I have my family, my love, my friends, Effie. (fat effie)

- After a night's sleep, everything is better. (At least these dumb 1st world problems I'm dealing with ;-))

- Music, even if only listening to it, will always be something to brighten up my life. Crying to Regina Spektor's How, or dancing to Kid Creole and the Coconuts (Oh Annie, I'm not your daddy), will always work.

- Same for reading. Except I probably won't dance to any book.. but I do love the moments when you're in the train, and you need to take another one, but the book is SO EXCITED so you start reading while you're waiting on the next trains, standing in the middle of the station.

- The moon is pretty. It makes things seem smaller and less important. 

- I want to find a home with Tom. I want to make it into ours, and fill it up with whatever makes it more ours. 

- I quit my gym and I will never sign up for one again. (Hey, might not be a really interesting or hopeful  certainty, but at least it's one.)

- I will never kiss Alan Rickman. And I will never mind, regret or even want that. (So no need for jealousy of an old wrinkly man)

Another certainty is that I have to get my ass out of the chair and moving, 'cause I need to get to physiotherapy. Liftin' waits and shit, I'll be as strong as a damn truck.

Love,

Fleur

Images

Just some random desktop images because I've been terribly neglecting my blog! It's not that I've been terribly busy but I just don't really have blog inspiration. And Tom and I started a blog together, when there's something new, I usually get all "woooohhhhhhhhhh!!!! THIS IS THE BEST THING EVERRRR". Ahww I keep seeing the cat in the last image while I'm typing, it has such a sweet face!

Anyway, for the interested. (That's a link to our blog) It's an inspirational blog for when we move together:) And I just love to have a blog to put all the home-ish things I find and love on the big wide internetz.

Have a nice day.

Love,
Fleur

Am I the only one

who feels like doing this the following 2 months?

This is so stupid, I feel like such a complainer; I had 2 amazing weeks, really amazing. I had so much fun and did so many nice things; I spent all my time with Tom, got beaten at Risk, had lovely Christmas days with Tom's family, went to the forest, shopping, had a NYE party in Amsterdam with my bestie Rosa, Benny, Britt and others (Tom also!), saw my grannie again, slept in my dad's car (while driving), played Burrito Bully.. just awesome! And now I'm back, and at once I feel like quitting school again.. ;p ahhhh I think it's probably just because we're having test these following 2 weeks and I  mean.. exams suck, so maybe it's just normal.

ANYWAAAAAY I'll just... do something now or something.

Love, (and a late and forbidden happy new year!)

Fleur

Lyrics

Lovely wall.

Days drip down from the ceiling

weeks follow days like slaves

Months try to hide, but time's not on their side

Years never close their eyes

I caught love on a summers day

when it flew by like a butterfly
I kept it in my hands, and took it for a dance
tried to keep it safe from harm

Love caught me when a summers breeze

knocked me off my feet

I fell in it's arms, got lost in it's charms
I let the butterfly free

Now days pass in a blink

and weeks follow days by choice

Months show their faces, fasten their paces

Years fly by like butterflies

Love,

Fleur

Contemplating

HELLLOOOO LION YOU!

To be honest, for the last few months, there wasn't any fun for me in writing or in school anymore. Well, any.. but, not as much as I'm used to having. And that sucks.
Yesterday, for the first time in.. maybe 7 months, I sat down behind my stagepiano because I was actually looking forward to writing.. a great feeling I kind of forgot about.

It's not that this solved everything. There's still a lot to think about, things that make me sad, things that used to cheer me up but fail to do that now.. I even thought about quitting school for a short while, a thought which hasn't completely left my mind though.
I don't think I will quit, since, goddamn.. what to do with my life then? So, I'm not changing anything out of fear, but what if I knew I could get a nice job, and then maybe in a year get accepted in (well why not) an acting/theatrical school?
What if I knew that I could get those things.. I've got some more contemplating to do I guess.

For now, I'm just happy I sat down behind those keys that stared at me evilly for 7 months, and that those keys were smiling, and that I was too.

Time to barf now? YESSSSS!

Love,

Fleur

(wowwwww SUPER UNEXPECTED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

NO WAIT! ANOTHER ONE!

I WANT MOOOAAAARRRRR KITTEEEEEEEEEEEENNNNSSS!!!!

Just kidding. But omg, that wás funny right? RIGHT?!


Okay bye x